Does Meditation Stress You Out?

You know how sometimes you feel like you’re the only one struggling to do something that’s good for you, something your doctor, dentist, psychologist tells you to do?  Like flossing your teeth after every meal, or drinking a gallon of water every day, or getting up at the break of dawn (or earlier) to run five miles.  So you don’t talk about it, right? You just pretend you do all of these things because that’s what everyone else does, and you don’t want to look like an unhealthy slacker. Sound familiar?

Well here’s some breaking news:  nobody does all of the things we’re supposed to do to be healthy.  If we did we’d blind each other with our glaringly white teeth, and the part of the day when we weren’t running we’d be in the bathroom ridding ourselves of all the excess water.  We’d have no time for anything else.  But even though I think we all recognize, at least on some level, that it’s impossible to do everything right all of the time, we still feel bad about it.  Take, for example, meditating.

Meditation is getting a lot of coverage these days, and everyone seems to be talking about it.  I’ve been struggling with some health issues these past few months, requiring many trips to various health practitioners, and without a doubt (and regardless of the diagnosis given, which varies wildly from doctor to doctor), the one thing they’ve all been consistent about is telling me to meditate.  I don’t disagree that meditation can have health benefits — I’ve read the research and know first-hand that I feel better, mentally and physically, when I meditate regularly. But I think we need to be careful about latching on to meditation as the “silver bullet” for whatever ails you.  In fact, according to a recent article in the Boston Globe, The Stress of Not Meditating, telling someone they need to meditate can actually cause them stress.

“Nothing’s more stressful than hearing about the advantages of something you’re not doing.”

So, if you are one of the many who wants to be “calm and happy and live in the now” but who also has a mile-long list of things you can accomplish with that extra 15 minutes, you are not alone.  If you are feeling stressed because you know you should meditate, your doctor, yoga teacher, or best friend has told you that you need to do it, take heart in knowing that even the person recommending it to you probably doesn’t do it, at least not regularly (although they might not admit it). 

So should you give up on the idea entirely?  Well, that’s up to you.  But before you do, consider this:

  1. Meditation is only one form of mindfulness practice.  If sitting on a cushion for thirty minutes a day isn’t something you want to do, there are other options.  You can breathe deeply and mindfully at stop lights, or spend the first 10 minutes of your lunch time eating slowly and quietly.  The idea is to incorporate small mindful moments into activities you do regularly; anything that brings on a relaxation response counts.
  2. You may already do things that approximate meditation.  Many activities like gardening, hiking, or playing music bring our brains close to a meditative state. In short, if you lose track of time doing a favorite activity (i.e. reach a state of “flow”), you’re receiving some of the same physiological benefits as you would get through meditating on a cushion.
  3. There are no rules. There are many types of meditation, so you should explore the options and choose something that works for you.  Also, starting slowly is perfectly acceptable — if five minutes on the cushion (or chair or bed) is all you can or want to do, just do that.  The meditation police will never know and, even if they did, they don’t write tickets.

So whether you decide to jump on the meditation bandwagon or not, I think the  healthiest choice any of us can make is to be honest with ourselves and everyone else about what is important to us and what we value.  We are free to make our own choices, free to decide what works for us, and also free to release the guilt, shame, and fear about all the rest.  “Seek the middle path” as Buddha advised — it’s all about balance, not perfection.

About Lori Dunlap

Lori Dunlap worked for almost twenty years in the corporate world, first as a management consultant to Fortune 500 companies, and then at a large research university as a program director and adjunct faculty member. In addition to homeschooling her two sons, she writes regularly about education and parenting issues. You can read her blog at, or connect with her on Facebook:

Posted on June 14, 2013, in Mindful Parenting, Mindfulness, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Yes, I agree. Meditation is part of our daily life, watching our mind, thoughts and emotions. Just being aware as we go about our day.
    Telling people they should be doing something doesn't work so well unless they have a strong feeling to do it! Meditation has a side effect of reducing stress, if we choose to have a 'formal' sitting practice. Watching the breath or our thoughts, seeing the thoughts pass like clouds in the sky and not attaching or engaging with the 'story' in our mind brings a sense of calm and detachment.
    At the same time, for many people, bringing awareness and kindness into their daily life can have beneficial results for themselves and others.


  2. What a refreshing, inspirational post. Thank you for this! I had just, before reading this, punished myself a bit for not “sitting” longer this morning…I am leaving town and my mind was racing. Yet I sat quietly and ate a silent breakfast, looked out over the water and marveled at the world I live in while speaking a few silent words of sincere gratitude. How easily I make things black or white in my life! I am grateful for this reminder that “the middle path” is good…is healing…is suggested by the Buddha himself. Thank you again for this post.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: